This began as a relatively positive update on Alba’s eating/meal behaviour, and general improvement on the food side of things, but then she chucked her frittata at me, telling me to “attend”, which she thinks means yes for some reason.

In full disclosure, Alba was praised to me as being “trés sage” by two (!) very smart, and potentially very judgey middle-aged ladies at an Aix restaurant in the middle of our trip.

I was left somewhat dumbfounded, replying with “je ne pense pas!” but they were adamant.

While at home, we are facing some painful tantrum times, as well as a new behaviour beast emerging in Eadie. She just turned one and is developing quite personality (they can’t win these kids). The clenched fists and tensing of every muscle in her face when she doesn’t get what she wants is familiar to say the least.

She also has a tendency to reject any form of food other than table bread at restaurants, so I spend most meals out trying to bounce her around in our Ergo or Ally misses 80% of the outing due to drawn out buggy/cobbled street sleep tactics.

Our favourite lunch spot is Le Bistrot 5 in Menerbes – nothing to do with the bumpy hill right outside that one can stand on with a glass of rosé in hand giving the Uppababy a few pushes and watching it roll back down…

I would say we’re at a peak disobedience with Alba. A recent conversation in the bath went like this:

“Alba, no.”

“Don’t say no to me mummy! Attend mummy! Arghhh grrrrrrr”

“I can say no to you Alba, I’m the boss, I’m in charge”

“No I’m the boss, I’m in charge! Attend mummy! Arghhh grrrr”

There’s a lot of this.

Pamela Druckerman in her book talks a lot about French kids being “sage”, which she describes as “being good”/”behaving appropriately”/”using good judgement”/”being respectful to other people”/”being in command of herself” – no small feat for a 2 and a half year old!

She links this trait with a child’s ability to deal with frustration – a big challenge I suspect for most 2 year olds (and their parents).

I’ve been putting Alba’s tantrums down to typical toddler confusion of emotions and how to deal with feelings like anger, fear and jealousy – but there could be a more “French” way of thinking and dealing about it? And how to work on this obedience? (And how to tone down her back-chat..)

Discipline

No brainer..but sometimes you just want the easy life, so I often get in trouble for giving in too easily to Alba, and not sticking to my guns when telling her off.

So – must demonstrate more authority (she does think she’s the boss). And make her realise there are consequences to naughty behaviour (i.e. don’t give her that chocolate after she’s hit me in the face just to keep her schtum).

Les Yeux

Give all orders and any form of discipline with a wide eye, to make sure they know you really mean business. Apparently this works in France. Alba just laughs at me and gives me Les Yeux back.

But I agree with the principle – make it be known you really bloody mean business and they need to stop messing around pronto. So scare them into obedience. I get it.

Give them more things to do

I’m intruiged by the French idea that a child’s behaviour is improved by more opportunities to do things (activities) more independently, and practice being patient – everything seems to link back to this patience thing.

So there’s been a lot of solo painting and not solo cake making (unsure what else there is). And as little TV as possible (still quite a lot).

Keeping them busy with things they can do on their own certainly works – it’s just not hugely realistic when you’re at home with two kids all day. This is where nursery comes into its own – and where Alba has suffered because of her lack of it over the past 6ish months.

Be more Rousseau-ish

One of the most understandable parts of French parenting, at least from a theoretical, or perhaps philosophical, perspective, is the idea from Rousseau that kids’ frustrations come primarily from being told NO to something they had previously been told yes to.

And to not treat them like the centre of the world if you’re not going to keep that up all the time.

“Do you know the surest means of making your child miserable? It is to accustom him to getting everything. Since his desires grow constantly due to the ease of satisfying them, sooner or later powerlessness will force you, in spite of yourself, to end up with a refusal. And this unaccustomed refusal will give him more torment than being deprived of what he desires.”

Children benefit from a reality check from early years. Set limits and keep to them. This, according to Rousseau, gives them their liberty.

J’aime ça! Now to keep it up..